Ahem Ahem

Ahem Ahem clears its throat when you've spent too long in the doom app. Pick the apps that eat your day. Use them for a few minutes and the nags begin: snarky, funny, slightly judgmental notifications that keep coming, on and off, for as long as you keep scrolling. "47 min of the doom app today. I see you." "Hope you're not reading this on the toilet. Your legs are going numb." "Press X to put phone down. Press X. PRESS X." Thousands of different nags, so they don't repeat for weeks. They arrive at irregular moments, so you can't tune them out, and they get more exasperated the longer you go. Ahem Ahem never blocks anything. It just won't let you pretend you didn't notice. Set up in four steps: allow Screen Time access, allow notifications, pick your apps, turn nagging on. Private by design. iOS never tells Ahem Ahem which apps you picked, so the nags make up a name for them: the doom app, the scroll machine, the pocket casino. Nothing leaves your iPhone. No account, no ads, no tracking.