Darcy Judges You

Darcy is a marmot. It lives on your phone. It does not like you. Every time you open the app, Darcy delivers a brutally passive-aggressive insult — staring you down with the dead-eyed disappointment of a creature who expected more from humanity. It blinks. It sighs. It roasts you into the ground. FEATURES: 200+ handcrafted insults across multiple categories — sarcasm, backhanded compliments, existential observations, and pure unfiltered judgment Photorealistic marmot powered by cinematic video — not a cartoon, not a filter, just a very real and very disappointed rodent Record your own insults and let Darcy deliver them to your friends Push notifications so Darcy can judge you even when you're not looking for it. Share your favourite roasts — screenshot cards built for group chats and social media No accounts, no cloud, no data collection — just you and a marmot who thinks you could do better. Everything runs locally on your device. Darcy doesn't phone home. It doesn't need to. It already knows. One purchase. No subscriptions. No in-app purchases. Just judgment.