Farted

A private log for tracking your farts — like a fitness tracker, but for something everyone finds funny and nobody talks about. No sensors. No gimmicks. You fart, you log it, you get to see the data. LOG IT IN TEN SECONDS One tap files an entry. That's the whole flow. No forms to wrestle, no menus to dig through — the New Entry sheet opens, you rate the damage, you're done. RATE THE DAMAGE Four scales, no mercy. Score every entry on Loudness (from Whisper to Trumpet), Duration, Stench (all the way up to Hazmat), and Relief. Add a location — auto-tagged from GPS and fully editable — so you always know where it happened. WATCH THE TRENDS The Stats tab is the payoff. Daily, weekly, and monthly counts. Loudness and stench averages plotted over time. Frequency charts that show which day of the week got hit hardest. Real color and personality — not a flat gray dashboard. BUILD YOUR HALL OF FAME Personal records worth keeping: Silent But Deadliest, Longest Fart, Busiest Day. A map of your known spots, ranked by how often each one shows up. Records are a hall of fame, not a filtered view — they stick around. MAKE IT GROUP-CHAT OFFICIAL Auto-generated share cards in three styles — Minimal, Meme, and Certificate of Achievement. Every card pulls a real stat and location straight from the entry ("I unleashed a 5/5 loudness in transit"). Send it through the standard share sheet or save it as an image. No in-app feed, no followers. PRIVACY-FIRST, NOT FINE PRINT 100% on-device. No account. No ads. No subscription. No third-party servers. Your data stays on your phone — or syncs across your own devices through your personal iCloud, only if you turn that on. Export everything to CSV or JSON whenever you want. Your business is your business. NO OWL GUILTING YOU No streaks. No badges. No push notifications nagging you to log. It's a joke you're in on, not a chore. It just happens to keep really good records.