Prior to getting this app, my life was in shambles. I played multiple sports, but was horrible in each of them. I was consistently throwing 82 (not 83 to respect Bam) interceptions per game playing football. I consistently threw 82 yards a game (not 83 to respect Bam) in my games and my passing attempts against passes completed on my stat sheet looked like a tour date. Speaking of tour dates, I was shooting those as well in basketball, and I had a -82 (not -83 out of respect for Bam) in +/-. In baseball I was never able to hit the bat onto the ball, never able to even foul off something, and I had an ERA of 82. (not 83 to respect Bam) My financial situation was horrendous, I was homeless, even by a homeless person’s standards. Not a penny to my name, I had to eat bricks and drink rain water on the street to survive. I had no known parents, no friends nor family, nobody in my life. I was under 5 foot, being 4’10 (on my tippy toes might I add), incredibly “ugly”, and I weighed at nearly a ton. Every game I played, I was bad at, and that includes video games as well. I couldn’t even get past Minoriko Aki from Touhou 10… on easy mode using Reimu A. I was easily clobbered by others online on any game on Roblox, once even losing to a 8 year old in a 1v1 in RIVALS. And no matter how hard I tried in Project Sekai all of the easiest song would consistently bring me to my limits, and I would never even get past being 5 seconds into a song. And don’t even talk about sports games. I once scored 0 points… in 2k. In CFB27 (where I spent my last few dimes on micro transactions before they removed them) I once went for a pass attempt on the one yard line and it got intercepted and got returned to the crib. This was when the game was tied at 0-0 and it was my first time ever in the red zone in a football sports game, and my play call caused me to lose the game. In MLB the show I hit my first perfect perfect on the easiest mode. I was so hyped but it ended up being a foul ball, and if it were not for that foul ball the other pitcher would have had an immaculate GAME, not inning but GAME. Then, the greatest thing ever happened in my life. I wandered into the Jeremiah Robinson Earl app on the app store. I decided that there would be no harm in installing the app, so I got it and toured it for a bit, then left. The day after, I hopped on Touhou, not expecting much. For some reason my game glitched, and I was forced to play as Marisa B on Lunatic… but oddly enough… I was able to 1cc the entire game without getting hit nor having to use bombs… I was genuinely crying on the floor crying like LeBron in 2016. I decided to do the extra level on Lunatic, facing off against Suwako. And behold, I proceeded to have no hits no bombs against Suwako… not just on Reimu A or Marisa B but A B and C for both girls… and that isn’t even the end. After I decided to hop on Project Sekai, and on the hardest difficulty I never missed a single note for the next 82 (did not go to 83 to respect bam) songs. In RIVALS and other games similar on roblox, MLB the Show, where every AB on GOAT difficulty was a homerun and I threw an immaculate game, 2k, where I was perfect on shooting and each of my players dropped 82 (to respect game did not go for 83), CFB and madden, where each of my quarterbacks had 82 passing touchdowns in one game (not 83 to respect bam) I proceeded to win 82 games in a row on each of these games (not 83 to respect bam). Then, I hit up the basketball court in real life. In one game, I dropped 82 points (yk the drill atp) on perfect shooting. In baseball I pitched an immaculate game and every AB was first pitch swinging, first pitch crushing. My ERA dropped to 0. In football I threw 82 passing touchdowns on 100% accuracy, throwing for 820 yards that game. I became the consensus first overall pick in the MLB and NBA, and every college was ready to throw millions for my name to be on the back of their jerseys. I stopped being lonely. I grew to 6’10 (slouching) and became attractive. I weighed 282 pounds, but it was of pure muscle. I made plenty of friends because of this. Suddenly, I got a call… it was my long lost family who lost me on a fateful day during Anime Expo. Tears flowed down my ears… the greatest day of my life… I now have 20 rings in the NBA, NFL, and MLB each, have 10 MVP awards in each aswell, and obviously other accolades and records. I became the greatest athlete of all time, and I also racked in millions from being a touhou, sekai, and roblox player so good I competed in esports and crushed the competition. I now live in what is nearly a perfect recreation of the Scarlet Devil Mansion from Touhou, living with my beautiful wife and children. I drive corvettes, mustangs, ferraris, lambos, bugattis, you name it. and I am the first ever quadrillionaire. If you want to change your life, get this app immediately. And it truly shows that as long as there are stars up above, I will always be in love, since love is undefeated.
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