The Level of Mediocrity Surpasses My Own
The lack of intuitiveness in the controls is something that I aspire to. The skill required! The lack of human empathy! The sadistic nature of the game! I, too, wish I could lumber along nonsensically. My limbs out of sync like this sausage flying through the red blocks it is supposed to land on. The physics feels drunk, or perhaps like a particularly slow five-year-old. I wish I had a mind like the creature that spawned this app. I wish I could create such eldritch horrors. This app will greet me at the gates of hell, and the developer will be sitting upon a throne of bones and sausage corpses. My punishment is this game. My fate is this game. My very identity will be stolen.
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