Piss Ballz: Weird Wellness

Piss Ballz is a self-care app with a bodyguard. Ballz is an angry little ball in sneakers. It is furious at the world and completely devoted to you, and the deal is simple: you look after yourself, and it goes out and handles things. HOW IT WORKS Pick five small goals. Drink a glass of water. Make the bed. Leave the building. Text someone back. Small on purpose — you can add more once you've done these. Finishing them earns Drips and Pressure. Pressure is fuel. Spend it and Ballz heads out on a Rollout: it's gone for a few hours, and when it comes home it has a story, a payout, and absolutely no remorse. A notification is how you find out it's back. Keep it up and it grows. Five stages, earned, not bought. WHAT'S IN IT • 42 ready-made goals, or write your own, with per-goal reminders • Morning and evening check-ins — and the mood you log actually changes how the app treats you that day • Streaks with forgiveness built in, not streaks that punish one bad week • Rollout stories across illustrated destinations, with real choices to make • Guided breathing, journalling with prompts, and a wind-down routine • Daily quests, a shop, and hats, caps and shades to put on a furious sphere • Full VoiceOver support, Dynamic Type, and Reduce Motion respected A ROUGH WEEK IS A SETTING, NOT A FAILURE Flip on Rough week and Rollouts cost half as much and your streak holds where it is. It switches itself off after seven days. Nothing asks why. Resting is never the losing move here. Every cautious choice in the app pays the same as the bold one — if the app's own advice is BETTER TAKE COVER™, it would be strange to charge you for taking it. YOUR DATA STAYS YOURS No account. No sign-up. No analytics, no ads, no tracking, and no server of ours. What you write stays on your device and syncs through your own private iCloud. Friends is the one thing that shares anything, and it's off until you turn it on. It publishes three things — your Ballz's name, your streak, its stage — to whoever you give your code to. Your goals, check-ins, mood and journal are never published to anyone. Drips are earned, never bought. If you'd rather not grind for a hat, there are cosmetic packs — but everything in them is still buyable with Drips at the price it always had, and nothing in this app is behind a paywall you can't walk around. ONE HONEST NOTE This is a habit tracker with a face on it. It is not therapy, it doesn't know how you're really doing, and it can't help in an emergency. Crisis lines live one tap away in Settings → Getting help, whether or not anything is wrong. BETTER TAKE COVER™