Please Leave Me Alone vs Door Dodge

You: once young and intelligent, beaming with passion and ambition, have been crushed, ground down, melted and pressure-injected into a cog-shaped mold in the industrial dehumanization machine we call first world finance capital. Your pleasures are now few: - On most days, you are granted a quarter of an hour to consume any fast casual cuisine available within a two block radius of your office. This usually means a choice of either abstracted and essentialized "Mexican" or "Japanese" food or some manner of sandwich garnished with sprouts for seemingly no reason. - You may eject, from your otherwise neglected body, the solid ("Poopee") or liquid ("Peepee") byproducts of the foregoing, deal flow permitting. - You may shut your eyes and render yourself unconscious for anywhere from 3 to 5 hours each night, deal flow permitting. Now picture, if you will, this horrifying scenario: You have just consumed your ration of abstracted and essentialized food and are suddenly overcome with the urge to immediately expel Poopee. Just as you begin inching from your desk, the corded phone practically bolted to it begins to shriek. It's your boss and he needs something from you and you have to take great notes. Now, what do you do?: A. Declare your need to eject Poopee, hang up on your boss, and risk the safety and security granted to you by your job? B. Obediently listen and eject the Poopee directly into your pants? C. Navigate a middle road: get enough information to do a good enough job while making it to the bathroom in time before you soil your pants? Part visual novel, part WarioWare-inspired minigame collection, Please Leave Me Alone, I Need to Poop captures this modern struggle. What will you choose? Will you succeed?

Do us a solid on the way down and help us dodge any debris and pesky whistleblowers (bummer we can’t make them disappear!), while snagging some lucrative government contracts. We’ll throw some complimentary pretzels down for your trip. Thanks a million! Look, have YOU ever built a plane? It’s difficult to keep all the sky thingies in one piece! Whatever! Sorry for the inconvenience of being sucked out of the plane midflight (we warned you to buckle your seatbelt!). But hey, while you’re plunging to your eventual destination, do us a favor and help keep our door safe from FAA regulators, jerkface whistleblowers, unfavorable press, and any other annoying distractions that might compromise our bottom line. Keep that door free from hitting any of those evil conspiratorial forces, and pick up a few government contracts along the way, okay? That’s still Boing property, and yes, we’d prefer to reattach it at some point (cost savings). The shareholders appreciate your sacrifice. Have a pleasant flight and thanks for flying Boing airlines!