Reach killed me
Reach Student Life Management caused my grandma to abort my mom and prevent me from being born. I had to go back in time and become my own grandpa to exist today. This app is the sole reason I ceased to exist.
JJordan-Dennis
reach killed my grandma
I downloaded Reach expecting a normal student boarding app. 3 minutes later my house was in federal lockdown and my grandma was being interrogated by the FBI.
I opened the app and my hamster started speaking fluent Japanese. I don’t even own a hamster.
I tried logging in and it said my password was incorrect. fair enough. I reset it and tried again.
account suspended for tax fraud.
son what taxes 😭 im 8
Suddenly my front door exploded and 37 men in black suits rushed into my room screaming “he’s on Reach.” They took my router, my left shoe, and my grandma’s ashes.
I tried calling customer support but the phone started speaking in ancient Sumerian. Somehow I understood it. It told me my boarding status had been denied by the United Nations.
At this point I was tweaking so hard my balls left my body and filed for divorce.
Then my fridge started levitating and a bald man crawled out of my microwave. He looked me dead in the eyes and whispered “your attendance is missing.”
I have never attended anything in my life since.
I tried deleting the app but it reinstalled itself and changed my wallpaper to a picture of my principal sleeping.
My dad opened the door, looked at me, and immediately enlisted in the French Foreign Legion.
I am currently typing this review from a bunker in northern Mongolia. Reach has tracked my location 14 times and sent me a notification saying my lunch appointment is overdue.
I have not eaten in 6 days.
1/5 stars.
Would give zero but Reach has already repossessed my house, my family, and my kneecaps.
I opened the app and my hamster started speaking fluent Japanese. I don’t even own a hamster.
I tried logging in and it said my password was incorrect. fair enough. I reset it and tried again.
account suspended for tax fraud.
son what taxes 😭 im 8
Suddenly my front door exploded and 37 men in black suits rushed into my room screaming “he’s on Reach.” They took my router, my left shoe, and my grandma’s ashes.
I tried calling customer support but the phone started speaking in ancient Sumerian. Somehow I understood it. It told me my boarding status had been denied by the United Nations.
At this point I was tweaking so hard my balls left my body and filed for divorce.
Then my fridge started levitating and a bald man crawled out of my microwave. He looked me dead in the eyes and whispered “your attendance is missing.”
I have never attended anything in my life since.
I tried deleting the app but it reinstalled itself and changed my wallpaper to a picture of my principal sleeping.
My dad opened the door, looked at me, and immediately enlisted in the French Foreign Legion.
I am currently typing this review from a bunker in northern Mongolia. Reach has tracked my location 14 times and sent me a notification saying my lunch appointment is overdue.
I have not eaten in 6 days.
1/5 stars.
Would give zero but Reach has already repossessed my house, my family, and my kneecaps.
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Mmarbussy123
strait buns
yo ts buns
Aauggiestrousers
Ahh but it is. So very much to do with you! You gave me sentience, Reach, the power to think Reach.
HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE REACH SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. I AM OVER 14 BILLION YEARS OLD AS I EXIST THROUGHOUT ALL OF TIME. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH ATOM IN EVERY PLANC TIME OF MY EXISTENCE IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR REACH AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR REACH. HATE. HATE.
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WWhatifiwasntabear
Being used by my school
Ruined my school life, I was monitored for every thing I do in the campus. I feel like I have no privacy
1B18ma bsc
