EXPOSED SAGE AND CHUCKIE
Man oh man where do I start. I was a little peckish after practice one day and decided to go get a bowl of stale cereal. The walked through the double doors to an empty cafeteria. It was eerily quite for it being almost dinner time. I walked across the room and started filling my bowl. Then the lights went out. And from behind the counter I heard laughing. I snuck into the back where the worker where and I was starstruck. From behind a sack of soggy chicken and cooked crunchy patsa I saw it. The real sage. He was dining alright…but on what? From behind me came chuckie cheese, where they friends? Maybe this is where they get recycled pizza!
How do I get out now? I thought. Then, they saw me. They extended there grubby hands in my direction. I had to think fast and chucked a rock hard puck like burger at them. Double kill! That thing was so hard it knocked them out! As I got up to run I didn’t look back, scared for what I would see….
How do I get out now? I thought. Then, they saw me. They extended there grubby hands in my direction. I had to think fast and chucked a rock hard puck like burger at them. Double kill! That thing was so hard it knocked them out! As I got up to run I didn’t look back, scared for what I would see….
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Havoc and fire
It was stormy rainy Thursday afternoon… I was so excited to head to lunch after my study hall, as I was waiting in line for food I shared with my friends and had some laughs. After I got my food I went to go get some soup as it looked very warm and delicious. As I was scooping all of the goods out of the pot I could see that it was very hot. I wanted some more ingredients so I tried putting some more in the bowl. Doing so, I overflowed the bowl and it spilt over the sides… onto my hand. It felt as if a spicy piranha had bit the inside of my hand. And then, as I looked at my hand, it burst into flames. I ran around with my hair blowing in the wind screaming: “FIRE FIRE FIRE” as I was running I unnoticedly caught the curtains on fire. I made it all the way out of the building and stuck my hand in a puddle, but as I turned around I saw the school engulfed in flames. Everyone died, I survived. Touch of sage, I hope you see this and know that you’re soup is exceedingly hot.
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Actual Review of the App
100% useless from my experience. Nothing comes up on the zip search field when trying to pick a location for my kid’s school. Soft buttons overlap in display (hamburger menu and back button directly on top of each other). Requires I enter their email address to see the meal menu, which I’m not a fan of spamming up my kids’ email addresses just to view a menu. They can see the menu at school; it’s me (the parent) who wants to know what they’re eating. Sage now has several family email addresses and I have nothing to show for it. Dismal fail.
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Sage sent me to therapy
My life was good, great, perfect even until Sage Dining moved to my school. I had heard the horror stories from other school of their school cafeteria being colonized by employees in all black uniforms who’s goal was to kill off the schools population. One day I walked into my dining hall and noticed a putrid smell leaking from the kitchen… Sage dining had invaded my once mediocre school. I looked to the left, the salad bar had soggy lettuce that looked like it housed bacteria and rodents. To the right, the uncooked chicken bar that had been waiting hours to be consumed by its unlucky victims. The crunchy pasta bar was drowning in olive oil which made it look more like a soup. I looked for my vegan section… what I saw was an uncooked piece of tofu with an orange slice placed on top labeled “mandarin orange tofu.” This sent me into a catatonic state which caused me to live in a psych ward expressing to the doctors the atrocities I witnessed that day. I had nightmares for months of the plain blocks of tofu I was forced to eat, the vomit looking soup, and my friend facing near death after consuming a piece of chicken. No one made it out of sage dining alive, except for me. I am the lone survivor but my severe PTSD makes me wish I was one with my snotty, mean, and self absorbed classmates.
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Sage dining sent me to therapy
My life was good, great, perfect even until Sage Dining moved to my school. I had heard the horror stories from other school of their school cafeteria being colonized by employees in all black uniforms who’s goal was to kill off the schools population. One day I walked into my dining hall and noticed a putrid smell leaking from the kitchen… Sage dining had invaded my once mediocre school. I looked to the left, the salad bar had soggy lettuce that looked like it housed bacteria and rodents. To the right, the uncooked chicken bar that had been waiting hours to be consumed by its unlucky victims. The crunchy pasta bar was drowning in olive oil which made it look more like a soup. I looked for my vegan section… what I saw was an uncooked piece of tofu with an orange slice placed on top labeled “mandarin orange tofu.” This sent me into a catatonic state which caused me to live in a psych ward expressing to the doctors the atrocities I witnessed that day. I had nightmares for months of the plain blocks of tofu I was forced to eat, the vomit looking soup, and my friend facing near death after consuming a piece of chicken. No one made it out of sage dining alive, except for me. I am the lone survivor but my severe PTSD makes me wish I was one with my snotty, mean, and self absorbed classmates.
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ITS ALIVE
One time at my school when I had Sage dining, it was chicken finger day. Chicken fingers weren’t so good, as is all the other food, but today it tasted different. I took a tiny bite first just to see how it was and it was OK. Not amazing, not terrible. But then when I took my first big bite I saw something that looked like… let’s just say a rocket ship. When that happened, I threw my chicken finger into the sewer.
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The worst uber drive
it was a cool Saturday night and I was taking an Uber home after a night out in the town. I got into the uber and as soon as I got in the car I knew something was wrong. Before I knew it the uber driver turned around. I couldn’t believe my eyes when a sage employ turned around with a plate of cold moist chicken. I explained to the Uber driver I didn’t want any chicken, but they instead it was fresh organically locally sourced chicken. When I told them I just wanted to go home they refused until I hate the whole organic locally sourced cold moist chicken. I still wake up in a cold sweat to this day.
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Campylobacter
I was a student at university this university uses the company Sage dining services. I was a A+ student, no I was not a nerd, I would still go to many party’s and was having a great time. One day in 1999 after a party the night before, I wanted a big breakfast. I got 6 eggs and 8 servings of biscuits and gravy(it was underwhelming). I felt fine going to class but later that day my stomach started to hurt when I got to my dorm I went straight to the bathroom and threw up. I thought it was from the night before, but I was wrong.
I had campylobacter I had bad eyes bleeds and my fingers became dislocated. I when to the doctor and he said it must have been something I had eaten. I thought I had to have been sage because I normally by and make my own food. This was the first food in a month that I ate outside of my own. I have not eaten it sense and don’t plan on eating it ever again and would not suggest it.
I had campylobacter I had bad eyes bleeds and my fingers became dislocated. I when to the doctor and he said it must have been something I had eaten. I thought I had to have been sage because I normally by and make my own food. This was the first food in a month that I ate outside of my own. I have not eaten it sense and don’t plan on eating it ever again and would not suggest it.
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chalky chicken
have you ever eaten a stick of chalk? or perhaps one of those trees with bark falling off? condense all of that into a pale lump with no seasoning. add some brownish water “seasoning” and that is what the chicken tastes like. sage always tries to make it sound better, like chicken marinated in soy sauce. but it’s literally a brick of chalky string cheese. eating the chicken makes you feel like all the moisture in your mouth if getting sucked out. Like if someone put a vacuum under your tongue. Don’t eat it. It’s served single week multiple times. Please. Help. I’m not sure how much longer I can last. Someone please, help us please.
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The Day I Saw The Earth Stand Still
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a cold day, the school lake frozen over from the piercing cold. Everyone was freezing. All we wanted was some hot food to warm our bodies. I have been a vegan for about a year and a half now. Sage usually just gives vegans some potatoes and tofu and calls it a day but no, this time… this time was different. Lunch started out normally, I got there early. I started crossing the field and opened dining hall door to the warmth of the AC. I went over to my table and set it up. I waited and waited for other students but nobody came. It was almost time for lunch. Usually the dining hall is crowded by now. I thought nothing of it at the time. I filled up my glass with water from a pitcher and accidentally spilt a bit on my shirt. I went to the restroom to get paper towels then I heard something: The Wind. I opened the bathroom door to see my dining hall massacred. The ceiling was gone and the walls were as brittle as a cracker with bricks falling off. Ash was descending from the fiery sky. The campus was a wasteland. No human in sight. There was only one table in the dining hall now. One plate: tofu and potatoes.
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